Encouraging Waiting Mothers

Overcoming Infertility and the associated emotions

Waiting on God for the fruit of the womb is a lonely period. It is a period wrapped in all sorts of uncertainties, such as uncertainties around the effectiveness of treatment, uncertainties about your spouse's or your in-law's reactions, unceratinties about your own emotions and your reaction to news. It can also be a period of emotional ups and downs. How do you handle such a challenging period, especially if you have been waiting for some time? You might have questions that you find difficult to ask anyone. 

My husband and I waited for the fruit of the womb for 4 years and it seemed like waiting forever. Despite seeking gynaecological help, it was like help was so far away. I felt inadequate because I could not conceive. I felt lonely, unloved and abandoned by God. Because of my feelings, I tried to isolate myself from friends and family at the early stage of waiting. Some of the women that I have talked to in the past also reported feelings of guilt, inadequacy and unworthy in addition to the feelings of isolation. These feelings are not unusual when your expectation of carrying your baby has been shattered by infertility. Nevertheless, you need not despair because you can find consolation, comfort and peace in a range of measures. Below are some of the steps that I took to overcome infertility and the associated emotional turmoil. I hope you find  them useful.

• I had to face the reality of infertility by seeking gynaecological help and engaging with gynaecological investigations. Although no treatment could be found for me. This compounded the challenge as the hope of receiving treatment was also shattered. This might not be the same for you, so dont discount this step.
• I found dwelling in God's presence and reading the Bible very comforting - it was a place to cry and express the burden of my heart.
• Positive affirmations of God's word concerning fertility became my daily routine.
• Praying alone and praying together with my husband was very important to me because I knew that God answers prayer
• Praising God and worshipping Him ahead of my breakthrough.helped me to thank God for other things in my life as well as express joy instead of sadness
• Between my husband and I, it was not the time to start blaming each other.  In fact, very early in our waiting period we realised that blaming each other would only complicate the matter.

Overcoming Infertility and the associated emotions Conts.

There were periods that I found my waiting period was a time of extreme quietness,  loneliness and emptiness. These feelings were due to lack of child activities in our home. Other methods of coping that I used were:

• I tried to cope with this period by engaging myself with activities that I really enjoyed, such as singing, writing songs, and helping my friends to babysit. .
• I had one or two close Christian sisters who I could always call on.
• I can confidently say that there was a place that I went to more often than not, and that was the presence of God, in prayers.

I encourage you to seek gynaecological help and engage with treatment, especially if there are underlying medical/gynaecological conditions and if you not yet done so. In addition, I encourage you to seek out the promises of God for the fruit of the womb and meditate on these words on a daily basis. The Bible says that His word is active and sharper than any two-edged sword Hebrews 4:12. His word is strong enough to cut through the power of infertility. If you have not already spoken to your Pastor about this challenge, it is advisable that you do so because your pastor might see what you currently do not see. I encourage you to enjoy your waiting time, take advantage of the free time you currently have and just enjoy it, i didn't. Work on minimising your stress level. Eat a well-balanced diet and sleep well. Encourage your husband to do the same.

(Read more about Pastor Toyin Adewunmi's experiences of infertility in her book titled "Joyful Mother of Children").

I waited for four years before I could conceive my first baby; it was an incredibly difficult and lonely period of my life. It was challenging to find someone who would understand and see my pains and concerns. I waited and waited as days rolled into weeks and weeks into months and months into years. It felt like there would never be an end. I had so many questions but it was challenging to find answers. If you are in the same situation today, wait, do not despair, and do not lose hope because God has a plan for your life.

My spouse and I have been through the necessary medical investigations and were told that nothing is physically wrong with us but I am still unable to conceive. What else can we do?

Well, I congratulate you and your spouse that there are no adverse gynaecological conditions contributing to your condition. Although people say, a problem shared is a problem halved, I say a problem known is a problem halved. When my husband and I were informed that the initial gynaecological condition that was found through our test was no longer there after further test, I was relieved thinking that conception would take place immediately. I was also relieved because we prayed after the first test that showed bilateral closure of the fallopian tubes. The Lord heard our prayer and confirmed it through the second test that everything had gone back to normal. However, I was disappointed that I still did not conceive a few years after the good report;this caused me to be more frightened. This was my experience, and it does not necessarily mean that it would be the case for others. I knew that I had to hold on to God.

Whatever your situation is you need to keep on believing. Don't be discouraged, don't give up. Keep on praying. Take time with your spouse in seeking God's face for His direction. Also, if you have not been to your pastor, you may need to visit your pastor for prayer and counselling. Meanwhile, I would advise that you overdose yourself with sex.

I have had several fertility treatments and have been assessed by different gynaecologists. I have spent a lot of money but nothing positive seems to be happening. Doctors  have  told me that they can no longer help. What can I do?

Joyful Mothers Ministry does not offer or give advice on medical or gynaecological treatment. However, we are able to support you prayerfully. Therefore, you are encouraged to put your trust in God. There have been testimonies of God’s faithfulness in families, and God is capable of showing His power on your behalf. God is not a respecter of persons.  

In the Bible, there was a lady with the issue of blood. She spent all her money hoping that she would be healed. Rather, her condition grew worse. As soon as she heard that Jesus was coming to town, she thought to herself ‘if only I can touch the hem of His garment, I shall be made whole.’ When Jesus got to town, the woman touched the hem of Jesus’ garment and was made whole. You can read her story in Mark chapter 5. You too can touch Him with your faith. With God, all things are possible.

Below are a few things that you could consider:

• Has your spouse been tested?

• Have you spoken to your pastor?

• Have you sought God's face on the issue?

• Send your prayer request to Joyful mothers or join us during one of our online prayer meetings